Ghost Poop ~~ You know you’ve pooped. There’s poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.
Teflon Coated Poop ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don’t feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey Poop ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn’t come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don’t stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought Poop ~~ You’re all done wiping your butt and you’re about to stand up when you realize it…you’ve got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop ~~ This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn’t come until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly Poop ~~ You poop so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Poop ~~ You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker Poop ~~ This poop is so big that you know it won’t go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else’s house.
Wet Cheeks Poop ~~ This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.
Wish Poop ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!
Cement Block or Oh God Poop ~~ You wish you’d gotten a spinal block before you poop.
Snake Poop ~~ This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) ~~ Even after the third flush, it’s still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else’s house.
Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) ~ You’ll know it’s alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.
Beer Drunk Poop ~~ This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poop doesn’t smell too bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually there’s somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else’s house.
The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.
The Bungee Poop ~~ The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire Poop ~~ The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler ~~ The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber ~~ The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of poop that hits you when you’re trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk Poop ~~ The king of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it’s normal size.
Jack the Ripper Poop ~~ The kind of poop that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper ~~ The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas Poop ~~ The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl Poop ~~ The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City Poop ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.
Oh Poop! Poop ~~ You poop so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!
The Never Ending Poop ~~ It’s the poop that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more poop runs out. This always happens after eating at K.F.C.
Ailurophile A cat-lover. Assemblage A gathering. Becoming Attractive. Beleaguer To exhaust with attacks. Brood To think alone. Bucolic In a lovely rural setting. Bungalow A small, cozy cottage. Chatoyant Like a cat’s eye. Comely Attractive. Conflate To blend together. Cynosure A focal point of admiration. Dalliance A brief love affair. Demesne Dominion, territory. Demure Shy and reserved. Denouement The resolution of a mystery. Desuetude Disuse. Desultory Slow, sluggish. Diaphanous Filmy. Dissemble Deceive. Dulcet Sweet, sugary. Ebullience Bubbling enthusiasm. Effervescent Bubbly. Efflorescence Flowering, blooming. Elision Dropping a sound or syllable in a word. Elixir A good potion. Eloquence Beauty and persuasion in speech. Embrocation Rubbing on a lotion. Emollient A softener Ephemeral Short-lived. Epiphany A sudden revelation. Erstwhile At one time, for a time. Ethereal Gaseous, invisible but detectable. Evanescent Vanishing quickly, lasting a very short time. Evocative Suggestive. Fetching Pretty. Felicity Pleasantness. Forbearance Withholding response to provocation. Fugacious Fleeting. Furtive Shifty, sneaky. Gambol To skip or leap about joyfully. Glamour Beauty. Gossamer The finest piece of thread, a spider’s silk Halcyon Happy, sunny, care-free. Harbinger Messenger with news of the future. Imbrication Overlapping and forming a regular pattern. Imbroglio An altercation or complicated situation. Imbue To infuse, instill. Incipient Beginning, in an early stage. Ineffable Unutterable, inexpressible. Ingénue A naïve young woman. Inglenook A cozy nook by the hearth. Insouciance Blithe nonchalance. Inure To become jaded. Labyrinthine Twisting and turning. Lagniappe A special kind of gift. Lagoon A small gulf or inlet. Languor Listlessness, inactivity. Lassitude Weariness, listlessness. Leisure Free time. Lilt To move musically or lively. Lissome Slender and graceful. Lithe Slender and flexible. Love Deep affection. Mellifluous Sweet sounding. Moiety One of two equal parts. Mondegreen A slip of the ear. Murmurous Murmuring. Nemesis An unconquerable archenemy. Offing The sea between the horizon and the offshore. Onomatopoeia A word that sounds like its meaning. Opulent Lush, luxuriant. Palimpsest A manuscript written over earlier ones. Panacea A solution for all problems Panoply A complete set. Pastiche An art work combining materials from various sources. Penumbra A half-shadow. Petrichor The smell of earth after rain. Plethora A large quantity. Propinquity An inclination. Pyrrhic Successful with heavy losses. Quintessential Mose essential. Ratatouille A spicy French stew. Ravel To knit or unknit. Redolent Fragrant. Riparian By the bank of a stream. Ripple A very small wave. Scintilla A spark or very small thing. Sempiternal Eternal. Seraglio Rich, luxurious oriental palace or harem. Serendipity Finding something nice while looking for something else. Summery Light, delicate or warm and sunny. Sumptuous Lush, luxurious. Surreptitious Secretive, sneaky. Susquehanna A river in Pennsylvania. Sussurous Whispering, hissing. Talisman A good luck charm. Tintinnabulation Tinkling. Umbrella Protection from sun or rain. Untoward Unseemly, inappropriate. Vestigial In trace amounts. Wafture Waving. Wherewithal The means. Woebegone Sorrowful, downcast.
First of all, I was supposed to be transferred to one of the 3 JCPenneys in Tucson, so I was asked by the hiring managers in Tucson to have my manager write up an introduction letter and send it to them. So I asked my manager to do so, gave her a copy of all she would need, the names, the phone number, and the addresses… a week later my manager tells me…
"Hey Betty, am I supposed to send the letters out?"
Finally, a week later she told me she had sent them, this was less than a month before I moved. So I waited… and waited…and waited…and waited to be called…and nothing…
There was a budget cut in our JCPenney and who was the first one whose hours were cut? Me!
…so I said… whatever, I’ll just move, my boyfriend will help me out in the time I get a job. so I had 700 dollars lined up to move… and we had a tragedy in the family and my mom had to fly to Mexico and I had to lend her money to go… so that left me with 300 dollars… so...I couldn’t move… I can’t move because my parents disagree with my choice of boyfriend… they don’t want me with him…and I have no money…
So now, after 2 weeks of no job, 6 applications to different places, no interviews, no money and no hopes of ever moving to Arizona, my manager calls me…
and she says….
“Hey Betty, I feel sorry for you, but I don’t have any hours to give you. But you know, one of the managers from Tucson left me a message like 2 or 3 weeks ago, asking when you were moving, she wanted to talk to you, and she called me again today so I thought I’d tell you so you can call her back…”
3 weeks ago…? and you’re just telling me now…
I feel so sad… I feel so anxious… I have no money to move now…